tHe 10 gReAtEsT tEaMs In cOllEgE FooTbAlL hIsToRy

As the self-anointed leader and authority of how you should think about sports, the four-letter network came up with a list of “The 10 Greatest Teams In College Football History”. As they do with all their bull sessions, they recorded the meeting and we at RBR were privileged to get a transcript of the meeting.

ESPN Managing Editor: “We need to come up with some nonsense to rile up college football fans.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “How about the 10 Greatest Teams in College Football History?”

ESPN Managing Editor: “Genius!”

22-year old Intern: “But there must be so many to choose from? How will we decide?

ESPN Managing Editor: “I dunno. Figure it out. I gotta go take a dump.”(exits)

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Hmm. Well, clearly the teams we pick have to have had an undefeated season.”

22-year old Intern: “Clearly! So eliminate any one-loss team. I’m sure as hell not going to look up who they lost to.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Oh, HELL no. I’m not doing ANY more research than I have to.”

22-year old Intern: “Another rule: only one pick per coach.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “YES. Thank you.”

22-year old Intern: “Well, we gotta give Saban one, but not TOO high of a ranking. He is SUCH a mean person and Mean People Suck. And one for Bear.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Bear? Who dat?”

22-year old Intern: “Bear Bryant. The Alabama guy with the hat.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Oh, right... What about Paterno.”

22-year old Intern and 21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: (Raucous Laughter)

22-year old Intern: “Remember when Miami played Florida a couple of weeks ago? They told us about how awesome Miami is. We probably have to squeeze them in somewhere.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “And Scott Frost! Everybody loves UCF.”

22-year old Intern: “Well, they did go undefeated but t-shirts are not the same as trophies. But Nebraska comes up this list of undefeateds from the 70s and 90s.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Pick one from each era. That should keep the elders happy.”

22-year old Intern: “BT-Dubs. I am digging your bowler and suspenders.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Thanks, bro. Can we wrap this up? I am jonesing for a tall half-caf half-double-decaf pumpkin latte with a caramel drizzle and a lemon twist.”

22-year old Intern: “Okay, let’s see... Throw in some Southern Cals... Oh, and that one with the Texas player in the confetti. ESPN is always playing that one.”

68-year old Janitor: “What about the 1945 Army team?”

22-year old Intern: “Shouldn’t you be scrubbing a toilet or something, Gandalf?”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “Seriously, bro! GTFOH!”

22-year old Intern: “Dick.”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “God, what a dick. Where were we?”

ESPN Managing Editor: (enters the room) “Are you bozos not done yet?”

22-year old Intern: “We need just one more.”

ESPN Managing Editor: (scans list) “Jeez, guys. Where’s Clemson? We are trying to get people to watch the damn ACC Network!”

21-year old Intern who has never been to a college football game: “The what?”

ESPN Managing Editor: “Just add last year’s champ so we can move on to more important things. What is Antonio Brown doing RIGHT NOW?”