Random Thoughts: Week Zero Lives Up To Its Name

If you blinked, you might have missed Week 0. Seven FBS games took place and none of them were Must See TV.

Southern Cal 56 San Jose State 28 - No. 6 team in the nation got off to a non-No. 6 team start, leading only 21-14 at the half. The Trojans turned it on in the second half.

Notre Dame 42 Navy 3 - The Irish might have the best pocket quarterback they have had since maybe Joe Montana(??). Wake Forest transfer Sam Hartman threw for 251 yards and 4 touchdowns in an easy romp over the Middies in a game played in Dublin, Ireland. I’m not sure why Saban didn’t go after him instead. Now, let’s never speak of this game again.

Jacksonville State 17 UTEP 14 - Jax State and RichRod earned their first win as a member of the FBS. UTEP had the ball on a 4th & 1 at the JSU 18 with 1:21 to go but threw a pick.

UMass 41 New Mexico State 30 - The upset of the day had the Fightin’ Julius Ervings whoop the NMSU Jerry Kills in their house.

San Diego State 20 Ohio 13 - After all the hype around Ohio QB Kurtis Rourke, the fifth year senior got knocked out of the game early and did not return.

Louisiana Tech 22 FIU 17 - This was a game that was played. Nobody died.

PSUEDO SEC

Vanderbilt 35 Hawaii 28 - Vandy held a 35-14 advantage in the fourth quarter when Hawaii stormed back to make it 35-28. A questionable and unsuccessful onside kick by Hawaii with 4:45 left. Basically ended the game. VU’s AJ Swann passed 19/30, 258 passing yards, 3 TDs.

DISS OF THE WEEK

While this is kinda funny... Bro. They are still in your conference and as Commissioner head, you should treat them with respect until they are gone. Anyone else can talk @#$% but this was bush league coming from you.

DISS II OF THE WEEK

Due to construction going on at their sad little stadium, the visiting locker room at Vanderbilt is basically a large outdoor tent much like the ones that would be set up for outdoor gatherings such as a wedding. In addition, the north and south end zones are gone and the scoreboard is held up by cranes. The game was delayed around 90 minutes due to weather and said scoreboard could be seen swaying back and fourth. The whole place is an active construction zone. It make you wonder what VU is really doing with all that SEC money. Truly an embarrassment to the SEC.

DICK MOVE OF THE WEEK

Again, kinda funny since it’s $cam. More on that POS Urban in KOACHES KORNER below.

LAME FAN BASE OF THE WEEK

Photo by Keith Birmingham/MediaNews Group/Pasadena Star-News via Getty Images

Seriously, why do blue-chippers keep signing with Southern Cal? No. 6 preseason ranking and they only had a reported 63,411 for the opening game and it looked like less. The Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum has a permanent seating capacity of 93,607 for football games.

FREE PLAY OF THE WEEK

PASS DEFENSED OF THE WEEK

NAME & NUMBER OF THE WEEK

Ohio OL Parker Titsworth

STETSON BENNETT LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Jacksonville State safety Jeremiah Harris is in his seventh season - all with JSU. He took a redshirt his freshman season of 2017 (the same recruiting class as Tua, Najee, DeVonta, etc.) and then played 2018-2020. In 2021, he was injured in the first game and took a medical redshirt making 2022 his RS senior year. This year is his super bonus year.

BURN THESE

TOO MANY OWLS

Three FBS programs share the mascot name of the “Owls” - FAU, Rice, and Temple. This season, these three teams will all compete in the American Athletic Conference.

STATIONARY RUNNING BACK(S) OF THE WEEK

Vandy and Hawaii combined for 84 rushing yards: 44 (1.9 ypc) for the ‘Dores, 40 (1.6 ypc) for the 50th Staters.

STATS OF THE WEEK

• FBS Kickers missed 9 of 22 attempts in Week Zero. Eight of ten teams that attempted a field goal missed at least one on Saturday.
• FIU running back Shomari Lawrence is the nation’s leading rusher with 139 yards.

HYPOCRITES OF THE WEEK

The GameDays hosts and panelists seriously complained about realignment being a negative for the sport, saying that it ruins tradition. If they are looking for someone to blame, look at the signature on their paychecks.

THE WACKY WORLD OF DESI

College GameDay was in the studio rather than on site somewhere. 88-year old Lee Corso was not involved but probably will later. David Pollock got the boot and ESPN brought in this clown Pat McAfee. The 4-Letter also kept brain-damaged Desmond Howard who put in his picks which is bad news for Michigan.

Also let go were Big & Rich with the opening music anthem. They are bringing in a new musical act next week that will surely suck ass and be more PC.

The crew made picks for 2023. Lotsa rat poison for Bama.

ADOPT-A-TEAM

• Ohio lost their start QB in the first game. The Bobcats might be sunk.
• Tulane, UTSA?

COUSINS

• Troy (0-0) - Trojans welcome FCS Stephen F. Austin to town on Saturday.
• South Alabama (0-0) - The Jags start the season in Nawlins against 24th ranked Tulane. Yikes!

THAT ANNOYING GUY WHO STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ESCALATOR

• UAB (0-0) - The Dragons host mean ol’ North Carolina A&T on Thursday, August 31.

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Three MV22 Ospreys of the Marines Squadron 162 out of Marine Corps Air Station New River, North Carolina did a flyover before the game.

• Navy (0-1) - The Midshipmen were dominated by Notre Dame. They gained only 128 rushing yards. Navy kicked a field goal on their final possession against Irish back-ups. :(
  The Middies have a week of R & R before hosting FCS Wagner on Sept. 9.
• Army (0-0) - The Black Knights begin the season on the road at UL Monroe.
• Air Force (0-0) - The Falcons host Robert Morris on Saturday.

ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION

Eliminated: Nobody

Endangered: Everybody

Extremely Endangered: Stanford, Colorado, Indiana, Vanderbilt, Virginia, Georgia Tech, Cal, Cincinnati, Houston, Rutgers, Virginia Tech, West Virginia, Arizona State, Boston College, Auburn, All non-P5s.

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

DraftKings odds to win the 2023 National Championship:

1. Georgia +220 (bet $100 to win $220)
2. Alabama +600
3. Ohio State +700 to +750
4. Michigan +800 to +750
5. LSU +1100
6. Southern Cal +1500 TO +1600
7. Clemson +1800
8. FSU +2000
9. Penn State +2200
10. Texas +2200

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.

• ACC - Clemson and Florida State lead the pack. UNC is dark horse.
• Big 12 - Texas has a big lead over Oklahoma.
• Big Ten - anOSU and Michigan with PSU as an outside shot.
• PAC-12 - Southern Cal with Washington and Oregon trailing.
• SEC - Georgia, Alabama, LSU, Tennessee.
• Indies - Notre Dame +3500 to +2800
• Non-Power 5 - Tulane and Boise are at +30000

RANK ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM

10 Bands & Musicians Named After College Football Teams:

1. Alabama
2. Boston (College) – Eagles
3. Kansas – Jayhawks
4. (Vanderbilt) Commodores
5. Miami (Hurricanes) Sound Machine
6. The Ohio (Bobcats) Players
7. Grover Washington (Huskies) Jr.
8. Duke (Blue Devils) Ellington
9. Marshall (Thundering Herd) Crenshaw
10. Los (New Mexico) Lobos

Krazy Kristi’s “SHUT UP!” of the Week goes to Reggie Bush for filing a defamation suit against the NCAA in bid to have his records restored and Heisman returned. First off, Reg - may I call you “Reg”? - the NCAA has no control over the Heisman or any other award other than the Big Beer Tap Trophy known less commonly known as the “National Championship Trophy”. Even if you win this frivolous ego-driven lawsuit, there is no guarantee the Heisman Trust will give it back to you. More importantly - YOU CHEATED!! It doesn’t matter that the benefits you were receiving back when you were pretending to attend classes at Southern Cal is kinda sorta hunky-dory nowadays. You were receiving benefits that every other college football player was not receiving. That is called an “unfair advantage”, another way of saying “cheating”.

HEISMAN HYPE

Below are just some of the top Heisman picks in order of the money lines - uncoincidentally all are quarterbacks.

Caleb is already getting all the hype.

Odds are provided by DraftKings and many more options can be seen at that link including 33-year old Rice QB JT Daniels at +30000. Yes, he still around and somehow at his fourth college. [Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.]

• QB Caleb Williams (JR, Southern Cal) still +450
• QB Jayden Daniels (RS-JR, LSU) still +1100
• QB Jordan Travis (FSU), QB Cade Klubnik (Clemson) still +1400 each.
• QB Sam Hartman (Notre Dame) from +1600 to +1400
• QB Quinn Evers (Texas) +1300 to +1500 without playing a down.
• QB Carson Beck (UGA) +1400 to +1600.
• QB Michael Penix (Washington) still +1600.
• QB Drake Maye (UNC), QB Bo Nix (Oregon) +1600 to +1800.

THE SICK REPORT

LOL!

After taking a hard hit against San Diego State, Ohio quarterback Kurtis Rourke, the reigning MAC offensive player of the year, left the first half of Saturday’s opener against San Diego State with an apparent leg injury. Rourke tore his ACL just over 9 months ago. At the time of this latest injury, he was 8 of 10 for 75 yards with the game tied 3-3. His replacement was 18 for 42 for 203 yards, 1 TD, and 3 interceptions in a 20-13 loss.

R.I.P.

The ridiculous ruse of an alliance between the B1G, ACC and PAC would have turned two years old this past week if not for it being dead upon arrival.

DRAMA

• LSU’s First Team All-SEC DL Maason Smith has been suspended for season opener vs. FSU for receiving improper benefits from a pre-NIL era autograph session in 2021 also attended by former WR Kayshon Boutte. Boutte served a one game suspension in 2022 in what Brian Kelly deceptively called “out with the flu” at the time. [Kelly covering things up?? Well, I never!] Smith would have been suspended last season as well but he was out with an injury. Pretty amazing. Former NCAA prez Mark Emmert probably would have let this case file go missing until it was too late. Take note, Reggie Bush.
• Conference jumping may not be done just yet. The ACC is reportedly in talks with Cal, Stanford and SMU about joining their ranks.
• ESPN reports that Arizona State will self-impose a bowl ban for 2023 over violations committed under former coach Herm Edwards. The Sun Devils win total was set at 4.5, so... yeah... Not really a punishment.

KOACHES KORNER

• Veteran sportswriter Brett McMurphy asked all 133 FBS coaches to name their favorite musical groups. 132 gave responses. The only non-response? Deion Sanders. What a dick.
• Have you heard of this 4-part documentary on Netflix about Urban Meyer called “Swamp Kings”? Most people thought it would be a tell-all about the good times and the bad times. And boy, they were plenty of the latter category. Problem is, basically none of the bad stuff was covered. The only mention of Aaron Hernandez came from Holier Than Thou Time Tebow quote. It was a total whitewash infomercial celebrating what a wonder man he is. Nothing about his fake illnesses to get out of coaching a terrible team. Nothing about $cam Newton stealing a laptop and getting kicked off the team. Nothing about all the arrests, scandals, cover-ups, and controversy. There is one scene in which former safety Tony Joiner is making a big speech. What they did not make not of is that he is in prison for murdering his girlfriend. Boycott this propaganda garbage. DO NOT WATCH!
• Fat F*** Phil Fulmer’s wife told him, “Let’s go upstairs and make love.” FFPF replied, “Choose one, I can’t do both.”

TEEVEE

The SEC Network will debut Read & React with Cole Cubelic & Roman Harper on Monday evenings. It aims to be more analytical than fluff. It should be good.

It looks like that stinker Thinking Out Loud has finally been taken out to pasture.

THIS WEEK

(Below is an abbreviated list of highlighted games of interest with lines provided by DraftKings. If you REALLY need to know about the big Akron-Temple showdown, you can find the details here.)

Thursday, August 31

Florida at Utah (-6.5) 7pm/8pm ESPN - Will Utes QB Cameron Rising play. I’m guessing “yeah”.

South Dakota at Missouri (no line) 7pm/8pm SECN

Nebraska at Minnesota (-7.5) 7pm/8pm FOX - Matt Rhule’s debut with the ‘Huskers.

Friday, September 1

Miami (OH) at Miami (FL) (-17) 6pm/7pm ACCN - It’s about time we got these two crazy kids together.

Louisville (-7.5) vs Georgia Tech 6:30/7:30 ESPN (dome in Atlanta, GA) - Former Bama OL coach Brent Key takes over the Yeller Jackets.

Stanford (-3.5) at Hawaii 10pm/11pm CBSSN - It’s not just the late starting time that will put you to sleep.

Saturday, September 2

East Carolina at Michigan (-36) 11am/Noon Peacock -

Virginia vs Tennessee (-28) 11am/Noon ABC (Nashville, TN)

Colorado at TCU (-20.5) 11am/Noon FOX - Prepare for Deion overload.

Arkansas State at Oklahoma (-35) 11am/Noon ESPN - Butch finna be fired.

Ball State at Kentucky (-26.5) 11am/Noon SECN - Devin Leary debut in blue.

Mercer at Ole Miss (no line) 1pm/2pm ESPN+

Ohio State (-30) at Indiana 2:30/3:30 CBS - Must be nice...

Boise at Washington (-14.5) 2:30/3:30 ABC - Everyone is all atwitter about UW this year.

Rice at Texas (-35) 2:30/3:30 FOX

UMass at Auburn (-35) 2:30/3:30 ESPN

Western Carolina at Arkansas (no line) 3pm/4pm ESPN+

SE Louisiana at Mississippi State (no line) 3pm/4pm SECN

UT Martin at Georgia (no line) 5pm/6pm ESPN+ - Two-time defending National Champs relegated to streaming? LOL!

Nevada at Southern Cal (-38.5) 5:30/6:30 PAC12

New Mexico at Texas A&M (-38) 6pm/7pm ESPN

Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt (no line) 6pm/7pm ESPN+ - Vandy at 2-0??

West Virginia at Penn State (-20.5) 6:30/7:30 NBC

North Carolina (-2.5) vs South Carolina 6:30/7:30 ABC (Charlotte, NC)

Sunday, September 3

Northwestern at Rutgers 11am/Noon CBS - no line

** GAME OF THE WEEK ~ LSU (-2.5) vs Florida State 6:30/7:30 ABC (Orlando, FL) **

Monday, September 4

Clemson (-13) at Duke 7pm/8pm ESPN -

SABAN vs. POP & BEAR

Below is a count of career FBS/Division I-A win totals for coaches.

For those of you new to RBR Random Thoughts, we count all on-field wins at the FBS/Division I-A level. So, before you go squawking about Frank Beamer, 42 of his wins came at Murray State. Mack Brown had six victories in one season with Appalachian State when they were still in what was known at I-AA (FCS today). Brian Kelly won 118 games with something called Grand Valley State. So, let’s stop talking about his win record with such reverence. In addition, we don’t recognize NCAA sanctioned forfeits. If you won on the field, it counts in our books.

Mack Brown’s Tar Heels start the season against South Carolina in the Carolina Panthers’ Stadium in Charlotte, NC.

#ALABAMA

• Alabama lands 14 players on the Preseason Coaches All-SEC Team. Placekicker Will Reichard joined CB Kool-Aid McKinstry, OL JC Latham, and LB Dallas Turner on the first team. Second-team honorees include RB Jase McClellan, WR Jermaine Burton, OG Tyler Booker, DL Jaheim Oatis, DL Justin Eboigbe, DB Malachi Moore and long snapper Kneeland Hibbett. WR Ja’Corey Brooks, DL Tim Smith, and LB Chris Braswell round out the honorees as members of the third team.
• DB DeVonta Smith has been hampered by a foot injury. “Smitty’s been out with his foot for a while, and we certainly think that he would be in the mix if he were healthy,” Saban said. “Kristian Story is a dependable guy at the position. So that’s kind of where it’s at right now.”

GAME 1: Saturday, September 2, 2023

Middle Tennessee Blue Raiders (8-5 in 2022) at Alabama Crimson Tide (11-2)

Tuscaloosa, AL ~ 6:30/7:30 SECN

• Middle Tennessee is picked to finish third in Conference USA behind Western Kentucky and Liberty.
• The Blue Raiders return nine starters on defense. They must replace quarterback Chase Cunningham who ran out of eligibility.
• Alabama is 3-0 all-time against MTSU with home wins in 2002, 2005, and 2015.
• The T-town weather forecast calls for a high of 84° and mostly sunny. The temperature should drop to mid 70s by kickoff. Be sure to hydrate.
• TV Announcers have not been announced but it appears they will get the No. 1 SECN crew of Tom Hart and Jordan Rodgers with Cole Cubelic (confirmed by him) on the sidelines.
• Eli Gold and Chris Stewart will split Alabama football broadcast play-by-play duties on Alabama Radio this year; Eli will call home games and Stewart will man the mic on the road.
• Darren Mustin and Eryk Anders will be honorary team captains.
• The point spread according to DraftKings has Bama as a -39.5 favorite as of post. The Over/Under is down three points to 51.5.

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.