NSFW: It’s Meltdown Time! Week 1

Welcome back to the one and only Meltdown Thread! Reading this column means real life college football has officially come back into our lives. Or you’re reading this well in the future during the offseason in which case go outside and read a book for once!

Leaves are dropping from trees, hurricanes are threatening Florida, and people are mad as h*ck online about college football. What a wonderful time of year.

I know y’all are just here for the football rage so I’ll just skip right to the good stuff. It’s good to be back, y’all.

Tennessee lost to a Sun Belt team that went 2-10 last season named Georgia State who only started their football program in 2010. The Volunteers didn’t just lose, they got dominated up front by a team that’s existed for a shorter time than UT’s active losing streak to Alabama. Don’t let the 38-30 final score fool you. Georgia State gave up a garbage time touchdown to Tennessee and the Volunteers volunteered $950,000 to the Panthers for the privilege of giving them their first win against a Power 5 opponent.

Missouri quarterbacked by Clemson transfer and former College Football Playoff participant Kelly Bryant lost their season opener 37-31 at home to Wyoming. By combining a -3 turnover margin with a rushing defense that couldn’t stop a pebble from rolling down a Kansas plain lead to their embarrassing defeat.

Oregon lead Auburn for the majority of the game then odd year Auburn magic happened and the Tigers pulled one out of their bums. Definitely never seen that one before nope never ever.

Florida State looked like a new supercharged offensive weapon in the first half against Boise State with a 31-19 halftime lead. Then the second half happened and the Broncos rode a true freshman qb to a 17-0 run in the second half and a win in their season opener.

In case y’all forgot the language below is filled with potty mouths so don’t go any further if you’re afraid of potties or mouths.

2-10essee

The great thing about returning so many starters is we really picked up right where we left off last year.

Don’t let the score fool you. Tennessee played worse than you thought they did.

Tennessee paid $950,000 for the privilege of giving Georgia State its first P5 win.

The grind of the SEC schedule is really hurting the Vols 3 quarters into the season.

Tennessee fans have left the chat
Everyone else has joined the chat

I’m going to turbo-drink a fifth of tequila and hopefully I’ll die

Really bold strategy by Tennessee to tank for Tua, we’ll see how it pays off for them.

”this is not how tennessee expected this game to start”
Joke’s on you, I always expect the worst

Being a Tennessee fan is great because it makes it real easy to get a head start on drinking every Saturday

I gotta hand it to Tennessee. They let Georgia State crush them just so Alabama would have a worse strength of schedule

Time for the SEC to dump Ole Miss and Tennessee in exchange for Memphis and Georgia State

Tennessee fans: I wish we wouldn’t lose to Vanderbilt again
monkey’s paw curls
Loses to Georgia State instead

apology for poor english
when were you when tennessee dies
i was sat at home cheering boise when pruitt ring
‘rocky is kill’
‘yes’

Rocky bottom

Take heart Tennessee fans. I remember when my beloved Oregon State Beavers opened the 2011 season with a loss to Sacramento State at home. But we put it behind us, went on an absolute tear and racked up a big-time 3 win season.
You can do it!

im just really sad right now

Looks at Georgia State’s number of losses last season
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you’re the only 10 I see

FIRE BUTCH

Looks like Tennessee’s season is off to a... Rocky start

(••) ( ••)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)

Ole Miss: we just had the most embarrassing week 1 loss in the SEC

Tennessee: hold my cousin

every Week One has to have a Most Embarrassed Team, and Tennessee volunteers

MIZZOURABLE TIGERS

Ugh why did I make so much fun of Tennessee today

Is Kelly Bryant Mizzou’s best qb since Drew Lock

Bro I’m straight up not having a good time

WE DONE YEE’D YOUR LAST HAW IN LARAMIE

Tough day for former Clemson QB transfers whose first name is a shade of green

G5 > DepresSEC

I’m pretty sure Saban has broken the SEC.

Kinda spooky fact: In a span of seven days, Missouri, Arizona and Purdue have all lost to non-power 5 teams on CBS Sports Newtork. It’s A GODDAMN CONSPIRIACY BY THE MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE I KNOW IT

Paul Finebaum is in shambles

I’m proud of our boys - they Mizzoud in record time this year

https://twitter.com/The_Antlers/status/1167975382764572673

NCAA making Mizzou lose to Wyoming is next level punishment

points to head a bowl ban doesn’t affect anything if you don’t get enough wins to go to a bowl game

The SEC and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

This game sponsored by your semiannual reminder that you are in fact a Mizzou fan. Add this one to the pile of sadness.

Wouldn’t be a mizzou game if I wasn’t saying fuck this season and fuck my life before the first half is over

Got us :(

I WAS TOLD BY ARKANSAS FANS THAT MR. NANCE WOULD BE A NON-FACTOR

They should be showing all these catheter commercials to the team bc they just got kicked in the dick so hard they’re gonna need a catheter.

I want to commit toaster bath

SITTING DUCKS

Justin Herbert can throw a football over them mountains.

ESPN kinda savage showing the dad watch his kid throw his first college pick.

FUN FACT: Auburn won this game from a chemical/logo standpoint, as O cannot tarnish AU.

2018: Oregon blows it at the last second against Stanford
2019: Oregon blows it at the last second against Auburn
2020: Oregon blows it at the last second against Rutgers.

Oregon did all they could to shit this game away. And they did it well

Bo Nix completed just 13 of 31 passes for 177 yards and two picks.
He also became a legend in his first college game.

Fail Mary

https://i.imgur.com/HJh7iWB_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

IF YOU DONT LIKE THIS YOU DONT LIKE AUBURN FOOTBALL AND I SURE AS SHIT DO NOT LIKE THIS

ODD NUMBERED YEAR GOT ME RAN THE FUCK OVER BY THE GUS BUS.

Damn, Oregon blew a huge lead late in the game because they got conservative, color me shocked.

We’ve been Wob’d

What a fucking embarrassing loss. It’s like we learned nothing from last season. Bad look for our coaching staff

Dan knows our pain

depressed quacking

I was wondering what force was going to win, the SEC having a bad week 1 or the PAC12 having a bad decade.

Fuck a duck

Dumbass yeeted when he should have kobed

TALKIN’ ‘BOUT THE LOLS

any hot, sad FSU girls out there, i am here for you.

This is what you get for scheduling Boise

End my shit please

https://i.imgur.com/XtYEcUg.png

This is a friendly reminder that if FSU wants to pull the plug on Taggart this year, they would owe him a $17 million buyout.

There is absolutely no shame in losing to Boise State. BUT:
The game was originally scheduled to be at Tallahassee
It was moved to Jacksonville per Florida State’s request
Then the team who flew into Jacksonville had to make a last minute switch to move to the original home venue

The heat and humidity likely helped Florida State not lose as embarrassingly, maybe

FSU have two 18 point leads
FSU then allowed 25 unanswered to a true freshman QB-led offense in the last 20 minutes

Maybe Willie Taggart isn’t a good coach.

The
Choke
At
Doak

RIP new FSU optimism, First Half - First Half

those missed fumble recoveries are going to be keeping us up for days my god. Our defense couldn’t get off the damn field tho and the offense did no favors. 43 minutes on the field is unacceptable. RIP WILLIE

Willie Taggart’s seat is a full-bodied French roast with notes of doodoo

Wow. Same shit in a different bag.

I said it in the game thread but I genuinely believe it’s the defense’s fault FSU lost.
Offense was doing fine if you average together the first three quarters (for the most part). But the defense is shit at tackles and can’t get BSU off the field without giving up points or field position. So now the offense is scrambling to keep the lead and they can’t cuz they can’t handle pressure, meaning BSU’s defense continues to be fresh. Your one consistent positive was you kept hitting and pressuring the QB, but he’s a true freshman so that’s a fucking given. All while BSU continues to feed on FSU’s shitty run defense and secondary. They made turnovers and were on the field a lot, occasional big plays don’t make up for frequently getting steamrolled on the ground, and BSU scored more than punted in the first half
But with that said they all fucking sucked in the second half, offense and defense. They all choked and deserved louder boos than they got.

Thank you Dorian for moving this to a noon game on ESPNNews, it deserved it

”Excellent execution by the Seminoles” weird that they’d talk about a self-execution this way but sure why not

Jimbo’s FSU:
1st half: a team of Leroy Jenkins
2nd half: the Monstars
Willie’s 2019 FSU: pretty much the same thing but in reverse

FSU 80-2 the past 15 years when up 15 going into the second half, Willie has both of those loses, I’m announcing my commitment to the #FireWillieTrain . NO INTERVIEWS

We’re going to be the next Tennessee.

I’m leaving my “we are the greatest team in the history of ever” on my Snapchat story from the first half because I am not a coward.

Pls thank me for my service.

If we were gonna get an OC covered up players rapes I thought he’d at least be worth the bad press.