NSFW: Bonus Sunday Meltdown! Auburn - Missouri set football back by literal decades

Well, lookie lookie. We got ourselves a pre-meltdown Meltdown.

For those of you with the misfortune to tune into the Missouri-Auburn shitshow yesterday, you witnessed the worst game of college football played in the SEC in 15 years, and perhaps one of the 3-4 worst ones of the last two decades.

Incompetence, bad quarterback play, baffling coaching decisions, piss-poor roster management, even worse time management, playcalling that should send both of these clowns to the Hague — and all punctuated by Auburn Jesus coming through with the most blursed Jordan-Hare fuckery I’ve ever witnessed. And that says a lot.

At the end of the day, however, no one won: not fans, not viewers, not broadcasters, not teams, not coaches. Oh, sure, there’s a tick in someone’s W column in the SEC standings. But you left with the certain assurance that both of these guys are going to be selling handies behind a Pilot station by year’s end: football coaching is certainly not how they will be paying the mortgage in 2023.

If the doofus tandem of Drinkwitz/Harsin are not both fired by New Year’s Day, it will be a Christmas miracle.

But, the weekend of bad football got off to an amazing start when, on Friday, UTEP knocked off the Boise State Broncos in the Sun Bowl. Their first win in 37 tries. And it wasn’t a fluke either: they beat the hell out of a once-proud Broncos program that Andy Avalos has wrecked almost as badly as Bammer Sleeper Agent Harsin has demolished the ‘Barn.

This was just an ad hoc meltdown. Feel free to add your own Barn/Mizzery or Boise takes below. Hold off on the good stuff. Because we’ll be back on Tuesday with choice meltdown material featuring some of CFB’s heaviest hitters in melting down: Oklahoma, Texas, Arkansas, and Miami.

As usual, some bad words here and there. Nothing too awful today though. But still, those looking for a PG-13 experience are probably best off passing this by.

Boise State

The day Boise State football finally died.

No one has the balls to fire anyone.

I hate everything about this team

Call up Chad Powers

Fire Avalos and revoke Bachmeirs scholarship. Leave both those fuckin bums on the tarmac

So. Many. Memes. To choose from.

This team deserves boos

Avalos shouldn’t survive the fucking night.

Killing him seems extreme but I could be talked into this

Mvp of the game: UTEP Marching Band

I think our entire conference is about to be relegated to the FCS

About to put a paper bag on here and a plastic one in real life.

Sheesh, UTEP with a big dick spine crushing drive.

Auburn fans Boise fans
Getting hurt by Boise coaches

I’m gonna go ahead and blame Bryan Harsin for breaking two programs

I only weigh 190 lbs, but if Boise State needs better offensive lineman, I’m willing to give it a shot.

Boo Boise for a bad hire. Welcome back to irrelevance. “But what about the Statue of Liberty play.” Eon’s ago.

I would simply call the plays for positive yards without the penalties

4 games, 2 losses, I think we’ve seen enough of this “Revolutionary” offensive gameplan. CAN SOMEONE CHANGE THE LOCKS TO THE OC OFFICE!?!?!?!

Holy shit, fire everyone

There’s no way I’m wasting a Friday or Saturday getting drunk and going to a home game when I can just skip the game and get more drunk.

And just like that, we are now a basketball school.

Who has less game: BSU offense or me talking to girls?

The reign of G5 dominance is over. Now we’re just another program. Just in time for realignment!! Unbelievable. Tim Plough should not be allowed back in the city.

why am I willingly watching this

I’m not sure Boise State could stop the run tonight if it was a light jog

Punt 40 yards and give up a 40 yard return , This team awful

I am embarrassed to be an alumni.

Oh no now they’ll have to fire a brown coach and his worthless cracker OC.

LOLOLOLOL. I can’t do anything but laugh. Good job UTEP and honestly thank you for exposing the fuck outta this coaching staff. Thank you thank you thank you. Go miners!!!

I just like how this game is upsetting both teams fans

Y’all are so terrible it hurts. My middle school team owes you a clinic

Bunch of fckn scrubs

Hahaha, utep is covering the spread we were supposed to cover

Boise State Chihuahuas you should be called as you’re about as tough as one! What a SPINELESS team! Dumb coaching, dumb players and a team who’s happy to plod every year! Fuckn EMBARRASSING! SPINELESS ALL ROUND and none of these players are future NFL stars

I was just bragging to a coworker today about the Broncos. Now I have to quit my job. Thanks, BSU!

This isn’t just a bad night. It’s a culture of incompetence.

Stay tuned for the 2nd half. We will find out if Avalos fires any of his staff at halftime.

MWC should trade Boise for NDSU.

Y’all fucking suck dick. Fuck this team and the whole state of Idaho.

If I played for this team I’d transfer to JUCO

Woke up and Hank was still the worst QB on earth

How in the fuck did this team win two games???

Boo this team for the rest of the season. This is pathetic trash. We skipped mediocrity straight to rock bottom.

33 yards of offense in the first quarter. Only reason we have 3 points was because of a UTEP 7yard punt.

Probably should’ve disabled comments, you knew this was coming.

Just let us be sad in peace

Mizzery

Drinkwitz at Missouri is 2-8 on the road having been outscored 358-212 Harsin is 1-4 in Jordan-Hare against Power 5 competition having been outscored 162-109 Two elite minds going to battle....

Both Harsin/Drinkwitz need to brought out into the middle of the field, fired on the spot and the game declared a tie and we all move on.

If someone asked me what it was like to be a Mizzou football fan I would show them a tape of this game

Missouri’s offense makes Iowa’s look like the Greatest Show on Turf at times.

Eli Drinkwitz is Turner Gill reincarnated

Auburn-Missouri is some absolute Sicko football. My son started watching it and immediately began crying.

There is not a more miserable way to spend your time than to watch this team attempt to play football. I should go to the dentist next week, I’ll have a much better time there.

Mizzou is so unserious dawg, I don’t wanna see Drinkwitz face ever again

It is one of the great atrocities of our time that one of these teams has to win this game.

Called the cops, but they said you have to wait 24 hours to report a missing 5 star receiver

This is truly the worst game I’ve ever watched and I’m not even upset that we lost

Drinkwitz showcasing his ability to shit the bed in big games yet again. Don’t worry guys he’s got everything figured out tho!

I take back everything I’ve said. Just put a camera on Judge eating sunflower seeds at this point and end the suffering.

My body will be hanging from the third column tonight and you’ll know who to blame

I didn’t think this team could hurt me. I was wrong

I don’t know who is going to win, but it’s not the viewers.

i’m fucking crying from laughter this is so stupid

I watched about 15 min of this game, around 12 of which were reviews and replays, and I’m sick of it

Drinkwitz showcasing his ability to shit the bed in big games yet again. Don’t worry guys he’s got everything figured out tho!

Have we tried turning Drinkwitz on and off again

THE FORWARD PASS IS A LIE AND A TRAP

Why am I a fan of this godforsaken school

don’t know why I do this to myself every Saturday

Small hands… like a carny

Most unreal way to lose a football game I’ve ever seen. Even the movies wouldn’t be able to script that because it isn’t believable. This program is never going to ascend beyond average. Hell probably can’t even get to average right now.

This teacher interview while the guy gets burned deep is hilarious

Life as a Mizzou football fan... Sigh. We were probably going to go 5-7 anyways, so 4-8 isn’t all that different.

Welcome to the Self-Hate Bowl

You should hold your head high - but no too high - or an Auburn witch or warlock will cut it off…

That was utterly disgusting. This was a Falcons type of ending and I would know.

My son won’t stop crying. His mother took the car and won’t answer her phone. This football team is officially ruining my family life and my personal life. I don’t deserve this.

Hell must simply be watching Eli Drinkwitz & Bryan Harsin coach against each other for eternity

Georgia is going to beat us by 107

Good thing it’s over. Now Mizzou can’t make any more mistakes.

Barn Burnin’

We are 3-1 nothing but positives ahead. War Damn Eagle!!!
Can’t believe you would post after that shit show

Feels like the big COLLEGE FOOTBALL banner at the top of the screen is 50% a liar.

Would it be out of line to suggest talking to Jimmy Rane and/or Tim Cook about purchasing an O-line?

It’s weird to care

I don’t give a damn anymore. Get Urban, get Michael Vick, get Judge Judy, whoever. Anyone who can walk into an Alabama high school and say the phrase “would you like to play for Auburn?” to an offensive lineman.

This game is the best argument I’ve ever seen for bringing back ties in college football

I cannot stop laughing. This has to be one of the worst segments of broadcast sports I have ever seen

Band is playing Friends in Low Places.
Harsin has lost the band.

Does this count as “fired with cause.”

Drinkwitz - “Auburn has 12 players on offense!!”
Ref - “I’ll allow it”

I actually believe Harsin may be throwing this shit to get paid.

Please tell me we didn’t roll Toomers after that game.

prayin on ur downfall makes me religious man

I didn’t think this team could fucking piss me off this much. I was wrong.

This game was just more proof that Auburn is officially a basketball school.

Win? We didn’t win anything. We were ahead at the end of the game, but we most certainly did not win

Wow thank god we tuned in for that

1 like = $1 to the fire Harsin fund

Someone tell me who the coach at Arkansas state is so I know who our new coach is gonna be.

We’ve regressed to the level of Vanderbilt and Missouri except they play with passion and enthusiasm. Keep up the dead last recruiting, zero player development, and putrid offense! You’ll get what you want ... Your buyout... Pathetic carpetbagger...

Can you imagine Saban getting water poured on him in the locker room after beat Missouri?

We couldn’t give it to Missouri! The refused to accept it!

That’s the hug you give someone after they just saved your job

Please google “how to coach an offensive line” this week.

indeed.com

I’m on my way to help clean out his desk

The forward pass was an abomination I appreciate this game

SEC football game, with a Big 10 trivia question while airing a Yankees game while game is in play - this is so sad, Auburn football has fallen so far

Harsin should be ashamed, get that smile off your face, you freak

Are we the two worst sec teams? Vandy hasn’t looked bad this year so probably

Imagine missing that kick, feeling like shit, only to have RG3 call you ‘the thicker kicker’ on national TV. Twice.

FUCK THE FORWARD PASS